I wanna bring you to show and tell
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
