we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
