You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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