I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize