yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
