absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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