a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
