she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
