Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize