Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
