Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
