I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
