I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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