Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
