Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
