I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
