Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize