you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
