I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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