He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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