hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
