he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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