She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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