I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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