I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im six kinds of drunk right now
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
