I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
