Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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