You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
