that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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