she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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