The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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