i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize