she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
