We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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