What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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