why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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