watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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