Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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