I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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