My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
