My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
