During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
