Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
