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I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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