At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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