I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
