Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize