Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
