The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
