Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
