i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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