at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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