Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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