you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Can I color on your dick again?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
