You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
