I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
