Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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