dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
