she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
