6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
