tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I would ride that face into the sunset
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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