Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
