I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i now understand why vodka
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
