What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
