This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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