I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i think i have two assholes
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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