Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize