I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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