You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
