The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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