Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
