It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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