Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
